Moving Too Fast For Grace

    Over Lent, I read the book The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. It is such a beautiful little book. Brother Lawrence, a simple little monk who lived in the 1600s and oversaw the kitchens at his monastery, discovered for himself a way of staying in God's presence all day long, so much so that he was almost always at peace. His way was to think of Jesus all day long and maintain a constant mental dialogue with Him, no matter what was going on around him. On days when he had done well in remembering to keep in the Lord's presence, he thanked God for his mercy. And when his thoughts strayed from Jesus, he did not allow himself to be downcast, but instead asked the Lord's forgiveness and simply returned his thoughts to Jesus. Such a beautiful humble soul Brother Lawrence had. I wrote out a little quote from him that I have taped to my stove. It reads, Lord of all pots and pans and things, make me a saint by getting meals and washing up the plates! A wonderful reminder that God is present even in the mess of everyday life.
    I'm afraid my thoughts often stray from Jesus. In fact, I'm lucky if I can pay attention during the whole of my morning prayer time, much less the whole day! During the rosary, I constantly have to keep calling my mind back to the meditation, because it is constantly running about, planning out my day or thinking of things that need to be done. Brother Lawrence's ability to stay in God's presence all day is a lofty goal, one I might never reach in my lifetime, try as I might. One thing struck me while reading his little book though. It was a simple line in one of the letters included in the book, written by Brother Lawrence to a friend of his who was a nun. He writes to tell her to encourage another mutual friend who was trying very hard to follow his way. But this is what he says that struck me so much and has stayed with me all this time: "She is full of good will but she would go faster than grace! One does not become holy all at once".
    One does not become holy all at once. So often that is me, full of good will, but moving too fast. I don't know about you, but I am a goal-oriented person. I like to set my goal, check off the checklist, and reach what I'm striving for, the quicker the better. Patience is not my strength. I like to make snap decisions and love doing spur of the moment things. My husband is very different from me. He likes to take his time, and research all possible options before making a decision. I semi-jokingly told him he is teaching me to enjoy the journey, not just the destination. And that's a good thing. He slows me down, and reminds me to think before I act (or speak). And that's what I have to remember about my spiritual life as well. It's a journey, not a dash to the finish line. I would just like to do A, accomplish B, check off C, and somehow reach sainthood status right here and now. But by trying to do so, all too often I am moving faster than grace. And there's a reason why it's better to slow down, take our time, ask the Lord what he is trying to show us in the here and now. In trying to move along too fast, we miss those moments of grace that are interspersed in our daily lives, little challenges or tests that will teach us important lessons, or hidden moments of wonder that call us upward and outward, away from ourselves into the great beyond that is Our God. In my mind's eye, I see myself as a little child, walking along the road to Perfection, climbing this Sacred Stair. Sometimes I trip and stumble, and usually it's because I am running ahead, trying to go so fast that I miss the uncomfortable experience of having to live the journey. I took this image to prayer one day, and asked the Lord to help me, because I didn't feel like I had the strength to go on by myself. Daily life, with its struggles and little inconveniences, was piling up on me, and I felt swamped by it all, pulled in many directions. And surprisingly, I heard Jesus say, "Of course I will go with you! Just walk with me, and don't leave my side." And it was then I knew that Jesus wanted to hold my hand, to help me as we walked together, but I, like a small child, was running ahead, letting go of His hand, letting go of the grace he gives me for each moment. And no wonder it was hard! When I let go of his hand, when I step outside of his presence and living in the moment with Him, I miss His guiding presence that shows me the obstacles in the path, the tree root I might trip over, the gigantic, muddy hole I might fall into. He's there to help, to carry me over the dangers in my path, to lead and guide me on this journey heavenward, I just have to stay by his side.
    Some little things that have helped me stay in the Lord's presence (although I have far to go in maintaining a better communication with Him) are having a regular morning prayer time, putting little things like quotes and images around my house to remind me to pray, praying the rosary, and asking Mary to always lead me to her Son. If I have my prayer time (usually also my morning coffee time) with Jesus first thing, it starts my day off right. No matter how bad my night was, or how crazy my day will get, at least for those few moments in the morning, there is peace. Making a morning offering of my day also helps, giving Jesus all of my works and joys and sufferings to use for His glory. Praying the rosary, although it has never been easy for me, also helps me to quiet my mind and focus on the Lord and what he is trying to teach me and speak to me. Some days are more fruitful than others, depending on how busily my mind is running around. The repetition help me to center my mind, if only for a few minutes, and gain some perspective on the day. I like to have quotes everywhere that inspire me as well. I have a white board that I write them on sometimes, and I have different quotes taped up in places where I will see them regularly. Pictures and statues of Our Lord and Mary help me keep my mind focused also. Sometimes, just the act of lighting a candle can help me remember to pray every time I see it. I often ask Mary to take my hand every time I run too far ahead, like the gentle mother she is, and lead me back to Jesus once again. His grace is there for us, if only we ask for it and stay by His side.